Why did the employee get fired from the calendar
factory?
A: He took a day off.
I couldn’t work today because of an eye problem; I just
can’t see myself what?
A: Working today.
Did you know that Davy Crockett had three ears? His
left ear, his right ear, and his what?
A: His wild frontier.
The CEO of Ikea was appointed Prime Minister of Sweden
and he’s currently assembling what?
A: His cabinet.
This morning I saw a person dragging a clam on a leash
behind him. It must be hard to walk with what?
A: A pulled mussel.
A photon checks into a hotel, and the bellhop asks if
he has any luggage. What does the photon reply?
A: “No, I’m traveling light.”
Sometimes I tell fish jokes just for what?
A: The halibut.
I just ordered the personal number plate BAA BAA. It
should look cool on my what?
A: My black jeep.
What kind of car does an egg drive?
A: A Yolksvagen.
Apparently, you can’t use beef stew as a password. It’s
just not what?
A: Stroganoff.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is
what?
A: Not putting it in a fruit salad.
There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those
who are quiet and those do what?
A: Those who talk a lot.
What did the full glass say to the empty glass?
A: You look drunk.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
A: Because it got stuck in a crack.
Why can't Chuck Norris use the internet?
A: Because he won't submit.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
A: One's pretty heavy and the other's a little lighter.
Two antennas decided to get married, the ceremony was
boring, but the reception was what?
A: Great!
What kind of bear has no teeth? ?
A: A gummy bear.
Bread is a lot like the sun. It rises in the yeast and
sets in what?
A: The waist.
Did you hear about the corduroy pillow?
A: It’s making headlines.
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says what?
A: “Now that you mention it, I smell carrots too.”
Why don't scientists trust Atoms?
A: They make up everything.
Geology rocks, but geography is what?
A: Where it’s at.
The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong
is what?
A: Seeing it done slowly.
Artificial intelligence is no match for what?
A: Natural stupidity.
Today I saved $236.17 by not going to what?
A: Target for toothpaste.
I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of
eating dried grapes. It’s all about what?
A: Raisin awareness.
Why is a swordfish’s nose 11 inches long?
A: Because if it were 12 inches, it would be a foot.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him
off at school?
A: Bison.
Why did the donut go to the dentist?
A: To get a filling
I just got excited at a crossword clue that was “cheese
lovers” and was like, oh! There’s a name for people like me. What was the
answer?
A: “Mice.”
Why couldn't the bike stand up?
A: It was two-tired.
I was going to tell a carpentry joke, but I couldn’t
find what?
A: Any of that woodwork.
Why did the candle quit his job?
A: He was burned out.
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none
of them what?
A: Work.